I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
