I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize