he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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