you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
