I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
