I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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