dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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