can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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