He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
3pm strippers are depressing
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
