Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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