whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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