Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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