Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The best revenge is premature balding
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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