It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
