they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
