I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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