a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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