Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
