bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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