cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
