It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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