and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
