He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
