I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
