Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
