I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
