Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
