Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
