Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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