i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
