I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
