question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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