i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
