What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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