I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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