She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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