Just fell off a train. Bad.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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