After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
