After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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