My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm really busy with my period
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