I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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