used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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