I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
