He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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