ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
