If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
