I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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