he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
