At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Mom said you looked used
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
