Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize