I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
