i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
