ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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