Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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