Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
