Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
