oh god the rape fog is back!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
