I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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