omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
