my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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