Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
