Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
