Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
