Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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