u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
