how can u be prego again
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
