That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
