I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You made out with two different species that night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
