NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
