I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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