I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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