Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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